The perfect treat for when you want to make sure the party ends with everyone’s relationships in tatters!

Ingredients:

1 cup powdered bones of your enemies

1 cup flour (whatever type lingers at the back of your cupboard, forlorn and forgotten)

2 cups water from a source near which you have had at least one gut-wrenchingly emotional conversation

1 lb cream cheese (made from the milk of a ruminant who has witnessed three or more arcane rituals - if you can find one who has experience being possessed, even better!)

1 lemon, juice and zest

Cinnamon, to taste

 

Instructions:

Mix the powdered bones, flour, and water until smooth. Leave the mixture in the fridge overnight to think about what it’s done

The next day, mix the cream cheese, lemon, and cinnamon while reciting all of your grievances aloud.

For best results, make the blintzes in a nonstick pan that knows at least one of your horrible secrets. If the pan threatens you with extortion, you may leave it immersed in a sink full of cold water after you finish cooking.

Pour blintz mixture into the nonstick pan until it creates an even layer, and cook until just firm enough to roll. If a blintz tears, lean close to the pan and, in a whisper, remind them of the mayhem it will wreck. This should cause it to reknit - if not, add more powdered bones.

Helpful hint! Any leftover batter or scraps of torn blintzes can be saved in the fridge to be thrown into most any baked goods. They won’t be as potent as the full recipe, but will still provide reliable bursts of jealousy and spite when eaten.

Spoon filling into blintzes, and roll them up. Places filled blintzes into well-buttered tray and bake while you get dressed for this event you were “volunteered” into hosting.

After baking, top with fruit of your choice and powdered sugar cut with crystallized nightmares. Prepare a story about the tray being an heirloom for anyone who gets nosy and/or judgy.

Serve and enjoy, as every secret resentment, betrayal, and infidelity among your guests comes to light!